How to Overcome Your Fears

Posted January 25, 2007 in Leadership, Life, Starting It, 18 Comments »


Scenario: "Dude, my fears of certain things will never change. Ahh!"

One of the biggest crimes in business = untapped potential.

Sally B. has all the tools necessary to build a kick-butt business.

  1. She's super smart about her industry.
  2. She's passionate about what she does.
  3. She's super awesome when you meet her.

Yet, what stops her from building a rockin' business:

Fear.

  • Fear of the unknown.
  • Fear of success.
  • Fear of imperfection.
So what does she do? Nothing. She stays being who she is. The world passes her by. If you're gunning to overcome failures, start confronting your fears like a badass. We'll explain.

How Fear Sucks You Down

Your brain houses a small compartment that resides your fears. You've added to the compartment through your "sucky" life experiences. A negative association to a certain experience creates the fears. For instance:
  • If a dog bit you when you were 5, you started harboring a fear of dogs.
  • If a teacher crushed your spirits when you gave a speech, you started dreading public speaking.
  • If some certain bastards derided your accomplishments after you kicked some booty, you started fearing success.
Your subconscious brain drives you to avoid those experiences -- in the future, again. At all costs.

What to Rid Your Brain

Think back to the fear compartment that's housed in your brain above. It's called the amygdala. If you crush that sucka, you'll likely walk up to a group of thugs and challenge them to throw down. Of course, unless you're super buff, that wouldn't be too smart: you'll get a vicious beating. So, your fear compartment houses: (1) good fears, and (2) bad fears.
  • Fears that help you survive = good.
  • Fears that prevent you from kicking major business ass = bad.

The latter is what you want to crush.

It's the sucky roommate you want to kick out.

Here's how.

How to Rid Your Brain of Bad Fears

Tell yo booty:

I fear _.

Then confront those fears, repeatedly. Incessantly.

You created most fears from isolated incidents; the new now-more-positive experiences you gain when you confront those fears starts diluting the negative effect of them.

  • If you fear public speaking, join a Toastmasters and give public speeches weekly.
  • If you fear success, start generating 5 mini-successes everyday.
  • If you're a nerdy programmer who fears girls, talk to five everyday.
  • If you fear failure, seek plenty of 'em daily.

(Secret to seeking failure -- You'll discover: "Hey, it's a little hard to fail a lot of times a day. I'm actually doing much better than I thought! And, when I do fail, I'm learning a whole-heckuva-lot to succeed the next time-around. Yay!")

"But dudes, it's so hard for me to even start confronting my fears. Help!"

We hear ya.

As with building a super dope business, confronting your absolute fears takes time and gradual improvement to get there.

If you fear public speaking, you can't overcome the fear of speaking to 10,000 dignitaries overnight.

Instead, to overcome that fear:

  1. You start speaking in front of one person.
  2. Then, you do it with three.
  3. Then, with 10, 30, 50 and 100.
  4. Then, 1000.
  5. Then, you'll prime yourself for the 10,000.

If you fear sales presentations to Fortune 500s, start with small businesses.

If you fear cold calling important executives in your county, start practicing your calls to friendly folks in Wyoming.

Whatever you feel holds you back from your super ambitious business goals, start gradually cutting into those fears -- until you rid your amygdala of sucky stuff.

You can't climb Everest with one leap. It's a sexy step-by-step process.

Tell us when you kick booty.

Confront the sucka to throw down.

If you enjoyed How to Overcome Your Fears, get Trizle's popular new articles freshly sent to your inbox.


More Business Tips You Might Enjoy

  1. Why We Suck As Managers
  2. Why A Billion Dollars Won't Excite You
  3. How To Completely Fail At Your Business (tip #1)
  4. Why "better" Products Don't Sell
  5. Why 90% Of Entrepreneurs Fail & Why You Won't

18 Comments on How to Overcome Your Fears

Mike

Posted @ 03:21 PM on January 25, 2007

:)


Hendy Irawan

Posted @ 07:23 PM on January 25, 2007

Overheard from Trizle:

* Fears that help you survive = good.
* Fears that prevent you from kicking major business ass = bad.

Wow... How true! A solid definition of fear...

I've been fearing girls, 'cuz they're doing more problems than they do pleasure. It's really hard to just "start speaking in front of one person" here. 'Cuz I'll do the same mistake again and again.

It's now about confronting the fear. It's avoid how to not repeat mistakes... and replace it with something better.

Problem is... lessons always come after the fact. We're not experimenting in some Google Sandbox here. It's real life. Every mistake in the past haunts our present and future life. There is no "Undo" button. :-(

(sorry for being so negative, Andrew, but unfortunately for me "overcoming fears" is a very, very not-so-simple business)


Deborah Torres Patel

Posted @ 07:53 PM on January 25, 2007

Love your post and straight talkin' style. Agree with you 100% on the public speaking stuff.

I've put together some kick ass complimentary online training materials that guarantee to dramatically reduce or eliminate the fear of public speaking. Sign up to get tools, tips & tactics at http://www.fearlessinfive.com.


The Trizle Team

Posted @ 06:13 AM on January 26, 2007

We're smiling right back at ya, Mike!


The Trizle Team

Posted @ 06:31 AM on January 26, 2007

Hi Hendy,

Most definitely. There are no undo buttons in life. But, in my opinion, you're faced with two options when you're fearing something:

1. Be trapped.
2. Confront it, then learn from it.

The "falling forward" approach always works best. Besides, that's how we learned to walk, anyway, right? :)

When you say, "Every mistake in the past haunts our present and future life." -- Again, I think there could be two mindsets that could result from making mistakes.

1. You could think you'll be haunted for life.
2. Or, you accept you're not perfect -- then you go out, and make as many mistakes as you can -- so you're continually falling forward

I think when you elevate your expectations to superhuman, you trap yourself into being complacent. Instead of taking risks, you continue staying where you are.

Overcoming fears is certainly not an on/off switch. It's a gradual -i'm-slowly-getting-there approach.

My rec: if you're fearing something right now, take lots (and lots) of baby steps. For instance, if you fear cats, you don't need to go up and pet it (which will probably scare the heck out of you, anyway -- and that's not too good). Instead, you'll just be 25 yards away from it. Then, slowly and gradually break that fear barrier down.

Hope that helps ya somewhat!

-Andrew


The Trizle Team

Posted @ 06:35 AM on January 26, 2007

Hi Deborah,

Thanks for your awesome compliment.

You have great material. Thanks for sharing. If you haven't visited Deborah's site, please check it out!


Hendy Irawan

Posted @ 10:14 AM on January 26, 2007

Thanks Andrew... "Baby steps" is the right way, I guess.

I first heard that from the Test-Driven Development world... while Refactoring(tm?). At first you refactor little by little, then you grow the steps. But when you "make mistakes" (sometimes refactoring confuses you or your code and suddenly all of your tests fail), you "rollback" (in Subversion this would be something like "svn revert" command) and re-refactor using tinier steps.

Instead of stagnatizing my life, I guess it's a better way like Andrew advised to re-retry using smaller, tinier steps (be more careful). That way it maybe possible to "confront" the fear without falling into its trap one or more times again.

Wish me luck...!

BTW, what I meant by "haunting" in my previous comment is... literally, haunting. When the mistake you had in your past, literally, creates a very unfortunate side effect (like turning someone into an enemy, altering the "physical world" permanently--such as wounding someone--, etc.) it's not enough to just "forget" this thing; since your life is changed forever.

All you have to do is how to make your life back on track with all these mistakes. Like what a painter does when he smears incorrectly (?) on the canvas... and he runs out of canvas.


Ed Barks

Posted @ 11:30 AM on January 26, 2007

There are lots of reasons behind an individual's fear of public speaking. Best to get to the root of one’s discomfort, then figure out how to attack it.

That said, the basic solution for most people is to (and I know this sounds stupidly simple) speak in public. Start out with low risk venues, perhaps doing an office presentation in front of supportive co-workers. Then move on to volunteer organizations, Rotary Clubs, etc.

The key is to take it step by step. It takes time and lots of practice to build up to that auditorium with 5000 sets of eyes on you.

Ed Barks
Author of The Truth About Public Speaking: The Three Keys to Great Presentations
http://www.TruthAboutPublicSpeaking.com


Hendy Irawan

Posted @ 08:13 PM on January 26, 2007

"you accept you’re not perfect"

Oh, so, true, Andrew. Sometimes I really like the idea of unperfection*, as I've read in somebody's Friendster profile.

Some of the best photographs in the world are black and white, super-grainy, shot with ISO 1600 films (see Flickr for more information). Depth-of-field effects/aperture is consciously used to fuzz out parts of a photo... although it's technically possible to get sharpest images in all parts of a composition with recent technology.

When I wrtie stuff, and I know there are red dots fliyng all over my text, sometimes I just ignore them just to let the built-in spellcehcker know that I'm now perfect. I don't always spell stuff right. Oh...

(On the spellchecking business though, I can misspell any word I like except people's names--or any name for that matter--that'll definitely cause disaster)


Hendy Irawan

Posted @ 12:25 AM on January 27, 2007

For lack of a better thing to say:

In case the comment system filters that:
http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/56/56228evscd59iqn.gif

Originally found at:
http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=31423059

Sometimes these little tiddybitties are so true.


Gau

Posted @ 03:18 AM on January 28, 2007

I have a severe fear of competition. When I find that somebody is working on the same thing as I am then the whole interest dies down because of the fact that somebody will again kick my butt and also the fact of being in a race. Is there any way to overcome this?


The Trizle Team

Posted @ 06:29 AM on January 29, 2007

Hendy, Ed, and Gau,

I have a meeting all day, but I'll be responsible for answering each and every one of your questions tonight. I'll be back.

Have a great day, y'all!

-Andrew


Rob

Posted @ 03:04 AM on February 07, 2007

This article really speaks the Truth.

I, long ago, feared many things. I actually was the stereotypical programmer who feared women and was generally misanthropic to begin with. Then, I just adopted the mindset "they're all just people" and that "if you mess up, who does it speak to more? That you failed and recovered, or that you failed, and someone can't stop dwelling on it?".

Obviously, the person who dwells on past failures is very insecure and not worth your time. I can't tell you how many tries it took me to become the non-misanthropic person I am today.

While it's true that sometimes you past comes back to haunt you (ie you kill someone, and end up "in lame-ass jail"; or talk to an uber-popular cheerleader who tells all her friends that you're a lame programmer who once tried to program her personality into a Quake bot (it's an example, foo!)), generally you don't have to worry about this. It's far better to take risks and end up in lame-ass jail or spending your prom night with your best friend's ugly-faced sister, than it is to wonder "WTF could've been?!".

I don't regret the times I've failed, rather I love them. It shows that I'm human, and that's it. I'm also an uber-1337 programmer who failed enough times to eventually score an awesome date with the cheerleader (all to find out she's self-obsessed and you'd have been better off optimizing your code, than to waste the blingitude it took to date her).

Long story short: Bad fears are bad. Good fears are good. Anything that's not good, is bad (hmmm... kay?). Just make sure you don't kill someone in the process (sitting in the slammer blows! Jk, lol).


Mahavir

Posted @ 07:23 AM on April 16, 2007

Yeah, very right...just confront to them don't make a havoc out of them...just learn from them.


sharom

Posted @ 10:49 AM on April 22, 2007

i love you maria
and i wanna sing like you honey. am augandan but i like you my dear


sharom

Posted @ 10:51 AM on April 22, 2007

what can i do to be like you maria?


Happiness is the opposite of fear, my breakthrough realisation :: All Things Bright, by Kathleen Bright

Posted @ 06:24 AM on November 01, 2007

[...] It’s not easy:; I have bad days - just like everyone does - and that’s when it’s really hard to maintain the belief that being happy is up to me; but I do it. I have some excellent resources that help me on those days. Some of these include Take the brute force out of your fears by dissecting them (Escape from Cubicle Nation Podcast) and How to Overcome Your Fears (Trizoko). I hope you find them useful too. [...]


Someone

Posted @ 07:45 AM on July 06, 2008

Thats all well and good about overcoming fears of public speaking but what about if i have a kind of fear of cars how would i get over that?
Cheers.


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