How to Maintain Healthy Relationships
Scenario: "Dude, you just gotta make up whenever you do something bad happens to your relationship. Yay!" It all sounds fine-and-dandy: Making up whenever there's a relationship downer -- whether that's with your employees, your customers, your vendors, or your personal relationships. But, our brains are more affected by the negatives than the positives, according to researchers. That is, we tend to remember negative experiences much more than positive ones. So if you did something shady to your customer, that means it takes much more than just "making up."
What Does It Take?
According to the researchers, it takes a ratio of 5 positives to make up 1 negative in a relationship:
As long as there was five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there was negative, researchers found, the marriage was likely to be stable over time. Other researchers have found the same results in other spheres of our life.Frequently Small Positive Acts Rock
It is the frequency of small positive acts that matters most, in a ratio of about five to one. Occasional big positive experiences--say, a birthday bash--are nice. But they don't make the necessary impact on our brain to override the tilt to negativity. It takes frequent small positive experiences to tip the scales toward happiness.
So when you're trying to maintain a kick-booty relationship, remember:
Small positives = sexy.
Read More Business Tips From Trizle »
10 Comments
on How to Maintain Healthy Relationships
ndtwc
2007-01-21 20:36:13 UTC
Oh numbers again, 5 positives to make up 1 negative in a relationship! I wonder if i killed Mary's mama today, and after that I celebrate her upcoming SIX birthdays, will she forgive me and think I'm a good person?
No I mean, how can i measure the size of the +ve and -ve things that we've done? And numbers here, for me, is.. um.. BS.
I recalled many events after I read this article.
And u know what, I think even somebody had forgived what u've done, say, 10 years ago, and now is a very best friend of urs. Who knows, mayb tmr u argue with him/her, that thing that u've done ages ago can b a big needle between u and him/her, or, say it positively, a big challenge between ur friendship.
So! What I m trying to say is, never, at least try, not to do any negative thing to anybody. Yes it's impossible! So everybody got enemies on this planet! That's it!
The Trizle Team
2007-01-23 06:38:07 UTC
Hi ndtwc,
Yeah, numbers and "rules" can be crazy. I totally buy your concept into being nice to everybody -- and never, ever do anything negative.
At times, even when you're trying to do everything positive, that might be interpreted differently. Say you do something at the dinner table without realizing some wacky "etiquette" rule.
1. You didn't intend to do it.
2. People still count that as your negative.
It's those unintended negatives that normally creep up, and that's when focusing on creating many more positives to overcome that negative might help.
Numbers-wise...lots of wacky research out there, so I totally get your point :)
-Andrew
Rory
2007-01-27 00:57:06 UTC
Sorry to be a few days behind on commenting. D'you know, I've subscribed to your site for a while now, and it didn't yet dawn on me that you could comment!?
I loved this post. It was very interesting.
Eventually, I want to write something on my site about parents reconnecting with their children. Often it is a gradual gap caused by years of unhelpful (though not necessarily intended) parenting. I wonder how the 5 to 1 ratio translates when it has been years of head to head. I would be interested in your thoughts.
When it is a build-up over time, does the slate, in a sense, just need to be wiped clean, and a "start again" approach taken?
Bob
2007-09-28 20:40:54 UTC
myfreepaysite login
no
2009-03-19 10:09:49 UTC
nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
yes
2009-03-19 10:11:25 UTC
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
kamandag,,
2009-03-21 16:21:02 UTC
kamandag,,
2009-03-21 16:22:18 UTC
just do what is right cause soon her left walk aniin..better buy a new mask,,,,hahahaha
einstein07
2009-03-22 02:32:58 UTC
hey..are you on the right forum? why buy a new mask?
just remember the golden rule on relationships..
Dont do to Others what you dont want others to do unto you..
Just my 2 cents..
dizzyboy
2009-03-22 14:00:11 UTC
yeah..give her little sweet stuff once in a while..
Boost. Business. Knowledge.