"What Am I Doing Wrong?"
Scenario: "Dude, I'm doing everything 100% correct. My employees love me. Yay!" Just about-almost-every-single-frickin-manager lives in a bubble thinking s/he's the greatest manager/executive/coworker/yadda in the world:
- "Wow, I'm a hot shot. I'm doing everything right!"
- "I love how I lead people. I'm so good."
- "I'm the most knowledgeable person in the world!"
- "Everyone loves my managerial smarts."
- "Give me a high-five!"
We call it the "superficially-bias" mindset: That is, we're all blinded by how much we really suck.
Yeah, Most of Us Suffer From It
Think back to: Your average teacher. That dude probably thought he was the world's greatest teacher. Your average manager. That dude probably thought he was the king of the world. Your average grade-school friend. That dude probably thought he was the most loyal friend, ever. An average speaker. That dude probably thought he rivaled MLK. Think back to an average singer. That dude probably said he'd go down in history. Or, take it from the most fabulous people on Earth: John Travolta: "I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn't go the way they did was because of my beliefs." Kanye West: "I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already." Justin Timberlake: "Just like the McDonald's deal, whose market share went up 25 per cent when I walked into those offices and changed their image -- when I did the Grammys, the viewing figures went up by 25 percent." @#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*! In our minds, we might think we're the smartest, strongest, coolest, baddest, rock-star on the !@#$-!@#$%^ planet. But to outsiders, we're just cocky peons who have no perspective of how much we really suck.
Why Confront Your Suckiness
You experienced it before: working with "Chucky" -- the 'average' team member. You'd guess Chucky would've been such a much better badass if he had:
- Talked openly about his problems.
- Stopped rambling.
- Defined his role clearer.
- Gave honest feedback about the team.
- Stopped using buzzwords.
Oh-how-you-wished.
Guess what?
People who are working with you -- right now -- see you as their "Chucky." To them, you're an 'average' team member -- but oh! -- "someone-who-could-oh-so-!@#$%^-rock if s/he just fixed some things!" To discover where you do suck -- and fly higher than a !@#$%^ bald eagle, ask those badasses who work with you:
"What am I doing wrong?"
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11 Comments
on "What Am I Doing Wrong?"
anon
2007-04-23 04:54:01 UTC
sweet :)
Dave Navarro
2007-04-23 07:05:05 UTC
Those quotes are hilarious - I don't think you could make that stuff up if you tried.
Now, off to ask my badass that question ...
- Dave
Grammie
2007-04-23 07:21:51 UTC
Very good points. I know I ought to ask my co-workers "what am I doing wrong", but it's scary. I guess it's human nature to be afraid of what they might say. But what's wrong with that? Perhaps it'll make me step back and see how I can change and make things better. Thanks again Trizle Team, for another thought provoking article!
Senia Positive Psychology Coaching
2007-04-23 08:01:21 UTC
I'd change the question to "what can I do better?"
It's just enough of a change in tone that the answers you receive will be productive rather than destructive. And you'll get two benefits from that - 1) your brain will listen more openly when the response is constructive (and when your brain doesn't feel that you may be about to get thrown on the fire), and 2) the person will give positive-toned comments about things that are changeable.
Thanks Trizle - from a long-time enjoyer of your posts.
Best,
Senia
TOMAS
2007-04-23 17:17:12 UTC
The same technique can be applied to help find areas of improvement for your own business by asking your employees and customers "What is my company/business/service doing wrong?" (or as Senia noted above "What can my company/business/service do better?").
The Trizle Team
2007-04-25 03:47:57 UTC
Hi Dave,
Those quotes are pretty crazy, if I may say so myself.
Hope you're well!
-Andrew
The Trizle Team
2007-04-25 03:58:18 UTC
Hi Grammie,
I really do agree with you that it's tough to ask. Sometimes our pride gets in the way of making us better team players (I know it definitely happens with me). It's just human nature. But if you tell yourself that you'd just do it once, it'll become easier -- and addicting even.
The greatest experiences working with somebody is discovering how I can make them tick. It's a pretty cool method.
Hope you had a great trip, Grammie!
-Andrew
The Trizle Team
2007-04-25 04:04:04 UTC
Hi Senia,
Guess what: I was debating on that title --
"Shouldn't it be more positive?"
But you're right, the better and more effective question is to ask:
"What can I do better?"
That opens you up to a more beneficial response, and of course -- you're pride will still stay intact. Thanks for sharing that!
-Andrew
The Trizle Team
2007-04-25 04:06:24 UTC
Hi Tomas,
Exactly! Thanks for that input, man. You can ask that question in anything that you do -- and want to improve.
Sometimes, we get so caught up in the 'next big thing', instead of improving what we're already dabbling in.
Great insight. Thanks, Tomas!
-Andrew
Senia Positive Psychology Coaching
2007-05-23 10:16:22 UTC
Hi Andrew and Trizle,
I came across a blog post that asks similar questions, and I thought you might like to see it. Dwayne Melancon of Genuine Curiosity writes how he discovers “When are you at your best?” (http://www.genuinecuriosity.com/genuinecuriosity/2006/09/when_are_you_at.html) Dwayne says:
“At the recommendation of a mentor of mine I’ve been interviewing people I work with and asking them four simple questions, developed with help from my office mate Gene. The questions are simple and humbling […]:
* In your opinion, what am I good at? […]
* What am I not good at? […]
* What is the highest value I provide to you or the organization? […]
* How could I double or triple my value to you or the organization? […]
Obviously, I picked people I trust (to be honest, to keep my best interest in mind, etc.) but it’s still difficult to have these conversations with people you admire or respect. Trust me - it’s worth it to power through the anxiety.”
I found this to be a good post.
Best,
Senia
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