How to Increase Your Customer Sales for Free

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Teddy tells SuperTreezy:

  1. "SuperTreezy, I wish I could get new sales."
  2. "But they never buy my new stuff!"

"BAM SON SLAP YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF," SuperTreezy screams.

"YOU = OSTRICH LOVER."

SuperTreezy tells Teddy about the marketing rule:

  1. Marketing is a numbers game.
  2. To increases your sales, increase your ^ of pitches.

After a customer purchases something, pitch them something new; the sweet part: it's freeeeeeeeeee marketing, and, those customers give you the highest chances of converting since they're purchasing something from you at the moment (Newton's Law on momentum).

  • Text/experiment with different pitches, and see what converts best.

The law of large numbers states that you'll get that sale eventually.

No pitches? "You give yourself a 0% shot. YOUSUCKATLIFE," SuperTreezy tells Teddy.

The more pitches you do = the more new sales you convert.

  • Target, for instance, pitches Target membership cards after customer checkouts.
  • Whole Foods pitches you healthy snacks as you're loading your stuff.
  • Wells Fargo pitches you loans after you open your checking account.

"COMPANIES THAT WIN KEEP PITCHING! DO NOT TEDDY YOURSELF," SuperTreezy advises us.

That makes Teddy cry.

"LOL AT THE CRYBABY WE HAVE HERE."

Pitch something new.

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Posted on October 23

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