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Crazy business world is crazy. Peep this:

  1. Company A lays off people.
  2. Company B keeps their people.
  3. They both cut costs by 20%.

How in the mofofrikozle?

  1. One company thinks cutting people = "the only way to cut costs! OH YEEE---AAH!"
  2. The other company cuts costs through business stuff.

The Business Stuff?

Examples:

  • Helping your employees work faster.
  • Cutting worthless expenses -- like buying expensive @!^^@% chairs.
  • Liquidating expensively worthless stuff -- like selling expensive ^^@^%@ chairs.

Or these:

  • Transitioning folks from R&D to focus on immediate revenue-generating activities (i.e., sales stuff, etc.)
  • Leasing out portions of your office.
  • Expanding the skills of your workers to take on more work.
  • Lowering salaries of your staff (especially the top execs') to account for a decrease in client work.
  • Automating repetitive tasks.
  • Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda.

For instance, if you see Sallie B being idle:

  1. Give her more work.
  2. Keep her upbeat to boost her productivity.
  3. Coach her to improve her efficiency.
  4. Have her reach out to one new prospect per day (or hour) to increase sales.
  5. The yaddas.

"But I have to lay of people! OH NOES!"

If you find that you have to lay off XYZ people, you probably shouldn't have hired the XYZ folks in the first place -- even when the economy = good.

If you see Johnny A's position as interchangeable:

  1. Don't hire for the position. Ever.
  2. Contract his work out to a third-party -- where you rid your company from being financially-obligated to fulfilling a salary.
  3. Now, set a short-term ("pay-as-you-go") contract with the third-party.

Win.

You'll cut costs in (1) the time it takes to manage his position, (2) the resources you drain to keep him productive, and (3) paying his costly salary.

Most importantly, you'll make your business more nimble to generate bigger returns (i.e., you free up more cash to invest into your company's cash-cow/strengths/expertise).

Rule of Thumb: Companies that Constantly Layoff People Managerially Suck

They take the safe and easy road:

  1. Cut people.
  2. Ignore improving The MotherFernuckin Business.

It's a reason why their management decisions end up sucking -- and keep sucking like the suck-suck.

"Let's take the easy road! A-OKAY!", they scream -- ignoring steps/ways/ideas/actions to improve their business stuff, and trim their fatty-fat-fat business expenses.

BOO!

Focus on The Mofo: Business Stuff.

Posted on December 07

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  1. You occasionally call one customer to keep in touch.
  2. You wait another week to call someone else.

As a result:

  • Your customers rarely hear from you.
  • You = ignorant about problems and ideas to improve customer situations.
  • Your relationships with your collective pool of customers suffers like mofosokos in pools of fosokos.

Bottom-line. Drain.

How to Build Relationships Efficiently

Instead of thinking the scattered one-by-one approach, think:

  • Group.

That is, when you pick up the phone:

  1. Don't just call one customer.
  2. Call 5/10/15 immediately after the first.

Why?

Newton's Laws of Physics.

Think: You + pushing a car.

  • At first, you suck: nothing moves.
  • But, the more you push, the more the car gains momentum.
  • And the next thing you know, you're pushing the car like it ain't no thang but a chicken wing on a silly string.

You know stopping the moving car will force you to restart the freakishly-strenuous process of getting the car moving again so you keep going.

Likewise with your customers:

  1. The first customer you contact = @^^% hardest.
  2. But, that second one becomes easier.
  3. And the third/fourth/fifth/yadda = easier/easier/easier.

"Stopping on that first contact (or the second or third) will force me to restart the strenuous ^!@$%^^^@%^@%! process!" you tell your bad self.

So, you keep moving and contact the next 4th/5th/6th/7th/yadda customers, as it becomes easier and easier and so much more ridiculously easier.

Exponentiallysuperfreakishlystrengthened

Instead of solidifying customer relationships once a week, you start solidifying 10/15/20 customer relationships at a time.

Result:

  1. More opportunities.
  2. More referrals.
  3. Stronger business.

Think blocks.

Posted on November 20

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  1. "Einstein started from scratch!"
  2. "Edison = scratch!"
  3. "Picasso = scratch!"

You know why most of us suck at innovating?

  • Think about a typical "inventions" show.
  • Think about the f-u-g product ideas you heard last week.
  • Think about that product your company launched years ago.

What happened?

  1. We think innovations come from some spark.
  2. So, we isolate ourselves from the world -- waiting until that little "breakthrough" hits.
  3. When we think it hits, and throw it to the markets, what happens? FAIL. (you = out-of-touch)

True innovations don't happen in isolation; the more we isolate ourselves, the more the world whizzes pass us -- eroding our opportunity to change the !@^^^@ world.

The greatest inventions?

Get this: They're byproducts.

Capitalize on Knowledge

What inspired the greatest innovators?

  • Model T: Ransom Olds (Oldsmobile)
  • Orville Brothers: Flight chasers who ignored safety.
  • Rosa Parks: Jackie Robinson who stood pat a decade prior (among many others).
  • Google's 20% time: Xerox's 15% time

Oh, and:

  • Gates: Jobs
  • Jobs: Xerox
  • Xerox: SRI
  • Yadda.

Innovations happen systematically (or an evolutionary process):

  1. Suck.
  2. Suck less.
  3. Suck lesser.
  4. Suck lesserer.
  5. Suck lessererer.

The recipe to innovation:

  1. Capitalize on what the world has already given you.
  2. Make it better.

Google @!^@$. Capitalize.

Posted on November 17

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  1. You start Project A.
  2. You come up with great things.
  3. You don't finish.

And then:

  1. You start Project B.
  2. You come up with great things.
  3. You don't finish.

And then:

  1. You start Project C.
  2. You come up with great things.
  3. You don't finish.

What's wrong?

It's this:

  • You suck at finishing.
  • You don't know how to finish.
  • You've never learned how to finish.

So, how do you finish?

You automate how you @^!@$! finish.

Think Customer Call Centers.

What do the smartest/most-efficient/most-productive call centers do?

(You know, the ones who have 98785609785678699039 service reps on-call at this moment fighting fires for clients all-across-the-$^@^^-world).

They do this:

  1. They automate the process.
  2. They build a little database of frequently asked questions.
  3. They have a little search functionality to respond to questions in ticks.
  4. They have fixed responses to different requests/rejections.

Sure, a lot of them still suck -- but they're answering customer calls by the thousands, fulfilling the vast majority of customer issues.

How?

  • Automation.
  • Automation.
  • Automation.

The more you automate X, the likelier you'll accomplish X.

You + Innovations

We all love starting something snazzy/spiffy.

  • But a ginormous chunk of us can't finish.
  • Our finish ratio stands in the single digits.
  • We have no process to finishing.

Solution?

Automate how you finish an innovation:

  1. *25* people need to taste the new recipe first.
  2. *20* have to love it.
  3. We will fix 5 critical issues for the new recipe (e.g., taste, price, presentation, etc.)
  4. We will use the following format to sell the new recipe.
  5. The wait staff will introduce the new recipe for a week.
  6. We will measure the new recipe's potential by asking customers if they would repurchase it.
  7. We will incorporate the new recipe into our regular menu if 80%+ love it.
  8. For training purposes, we will create a 1-page manual detailing the steps needed to create the new recipe.

It's like you're brushing your teeth.

This:

  1. Floss.
  2. Brush.
  3. Rinse.

You have a set procedure to get your teeth cleaned.

Likewise, when you automate how you finish an innovation, you'll set your company up for a stream of new inno-@^^!-vative products for your customers.

Automate your finish.

Posted on November 12

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  1. You pride yourself on the latest-and-greatest.
  2. You keep your products technically-superior to everyone out there.
  3. You pour chunks into your R&D.

Three weeks later, your stuff becomes obsolete.

So what do you do to keep yourself on top?

  1. You expend more resources.
  2. You expend more people-hours.
  3. You expend more $$$.

The next thing you know:

  • You're running out-of-cash.
  • Your team is getting psychologically burnt.
  • Your resources in sales = BOO.
  • You impede @^^% momentum.

And to top it all?

Your customer probably couldn't care less about the technically-advanced widget anyway.

The Pareto's Rule:

  • Your customer will love the 80% of what you can offer.
  • Doing that extra 20% will destroy 80% of your time.

Try this:

  1. Build a product.
  2. Spend a freakish-gi-nourmous amount of time selling that one product.

@@The less you change/modify/alter that product, the more you drive down costs, and the more profitable you make your company.**

Check:

  • Coke.
  • Big Mac.
  • Hershey's Kisses.
  • In-and-out burgers.

Did those products change over their 100/75/50 @^^^@ years?

No mother-effin-Jo-ZAY-NO-WAY!

Those products = adored by generations-upon-generations-upon-generations-upon-generations-upon-generations.

It's like this:

  1. Coke man in 1886: "I formulate formula for Coke. Ta-de-da-de-da."
  2. Coca-Cola: "We sell billions."

Done.

Freak.

The @^^%$^ RULE:

The less brainpower you use to sell XYZ, the more you'll sell XYZ.

Use Less Brain.

Posted on November 11

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Boxing.

  1. Mike Tyson.
  2. Buster Douglas.

1990.

  • Tyson = heralded as the greatest ever.
  • Buster Douglas barely squeezed into the title fight.

The odds:

  • Tyson 40:1 favorite.

Only one casino in Vegas offered bets for the fight.

What'd folks do?

  • "Tyson won't lose this one."
  • "This is a sure thing!"
  • "Let's mortgage our house on this fight!"

That Saturday night, Douglas downs Tyson.

Result?

  • Folks lose their homes.
  • Folks lose their businesses.
  • Folks set themselves financially back for decades.

Even if you think your business idea is a "sure thing", and you get the idea to pour your life savings into it, one variable could destroy you.

Nothing is a sure thing.

People + Foreclosures

It's simple to blame Wall Street; but, doing that just teaches everyone to blame others when we lose.

What lessons can we take away from the mortgage crisis?

  1. Nothing is a sure thing.
  2. Don't spend what you don't have.
  3. Only make a risky bet when you can afford it.

When you're investing, tack this:

  • "If this one investment totally blows our face, will we stay in business?"

That keeps you from:

  1. overspending
  2. speculating
  3. making risky bets that can destroy you

Yes, you can't grow big without taking a big risk; but pouring everything into an unsure thing -- despite all the clear signs -- will ultimately destroy you.

The ideal model:

  1. Big risks = to grow.
  2. Conservative bets = to stay in business.

Do 'em both.

Big. Affordable. Bets.

Posted on October 30

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  1. Pick a task.
  2. Make a game out of it.

It's like this:

  1. You have a project you have to do for Cllient XYZ.
  2. You find it boring/repetitive/suck-o.

So, you continually put it off (i.e. procrastinating) until you're in trouble.

What do you do?

Make a @^^^%^&% game of it.

That is:

  1. Pick "Client Task XYZ"
  2. Set a timer for 5 minutes.
  3. Play beat the clock.

Ta-frickin-da!

You've just made a boring task a fun game.

  1. We human folks love games.
  2. It's why cricket still exists.

ZING!

Rule of thumb: The more you game your workload, the more tasks you'll accomplish quickly/efficiently/with-@$^%^^%@%^@-style.

Make boring fun.

Game the mofosoko.

Posted on October 29

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  1. You want TV.
  2. You want night-outs.
  3. You want vacations.

You're unhappy-o.

How Peeps Get Unhappy

Simple. They do this:

  • Seek pleasure.
  • Think each pleasure brings = happiness.

You know that shiny car people get on their driveways?

  • External rewards = fleeting happiness.
  • So, they continually seek out more pleasures, thinking that next pursuit will bring them some sort of sex-ay feeling.

It doesn't.

So, they go bankrupt.

Do you look forward to weekends?

That tells you one of two things:

  1. You're seeking a pleasurable life.
  2. You're seeking a meaningful life.

The former does nothing to your long-term morale.

Seeking a meaningful life instead brings you freakish joy, passion, and life.

That's according to recent studies by a University of Michigan prof (Chris Peterson) and a McGill University prof (Veronika Huta) who studied two groups of folks who pursued eudaimonic and hedonic activities.

Everlasting happiness?

Peeps got it when they pursued "personal growth, development of their potential, achieving personal excellence, and contributing to the lives of others."

Seeking happiness?

  1. Help your clients succeed+rock.
  2. Grow a more prosperous business.
  3. Rock a @^^% life.

SHA-BAM.

Contribute. Grow. Live.

Posted on October 28

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  1. You're reading an article.
  2. You read it again.
  3. You read it a third time.

On your fourth try, you finally understand the point of the article.

  1. You continually follow the same process throughout the day.
  2. You suck.

Here's how to learn quicker.

How to Learn Like Mofo on Roids

  1. Pick up a book.
  2. Set a timer for one minute.
  3. In that one minute, learn the entire book.

...or if you're reading some lame-o, boring-o bloggy blog machine badooper, try this:

  1. Open the article.
  2. Set a timer for 10 seconds.
  3. In that 10 seconds, comprehend the entire article.

Why Would You Learn So Well?

Because you're doing this:

  • You're forcing yourself to understand/comprehend/learn/grasp the BIG picture (i.e., the most important/vital/sex-ay info).
  • You ignore the shoddy details that take up space, mother-freakishly draining your time.

Wanna Be A Smart-Ass-Opper?

Do:

  1. 5 books.
  2. BAM-DAM-DAM-DAM-BAM-BAM!

Next thing you know, you've grasped the concepts of 5 books in a collective 5 minutes.

Hooray for you.

Learn like mofo on roido.

Posted on October 21

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You run a coffee company.

You try to sell:

  1. "Hey! My COFFEE = SOOOO GOOD 4 YOU!"
  2. "We ^1!"
  3. Fail.

Why?

When you start selling, people put up a defense mechanisms.

They think:

  1. Hey, this dude is just trying to make a sale.
  2. He doesn't care about my needs.
  3. He just wants my money.

Why Survey

For simple requests:

  • It's frickin' tough for people to say 'No'.
  • People want to help people.

Ask for a quick 30-sec survey (in which they can hang up at anytime).

Start probing with questions to understand their current situation.

For instance:

  1. "Does your company provide coffee for your employees?"
  2. "Do you buy your own coffee?"
  3. "How much are you paying for your coffee beans?"
  4. "Are you happy with your coffee supplier?"
  5. "Would you consider another vendor if they can meet your needs better?"

Now that you understand more about their current realities, can your service/product/solution help them?

SHABAM!

You got a potential lead/sale/relationship/customer -- who's now much more willing to do business with you.

What Customers Want From You

Simple:

  • Solve their problems.
  • Help them cut costs.
  • Help them run a better business.

When you start probing them with questions to understand how they work/operate/live/love, you start understanding the peculiarities of the business -- and how your solution can solve their shiznitzle.

You'll start selling your coffee beans like it ain't no thang but a chicken on a Willy Wonka string.

Survey. Sale.

Posted on October 16

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